A high end audio guru, master tweaker, and artful tale weaver is fond of telling the story about an audiophile whose house caught fire. It seems that this poor fellow, upon discovering his house afire, dashed off to his music room and proceeded to haul his precious equipment to safety. Only when assured that his beloved audio pieces were out of harms way did this unfortunate fellow remember his wife.

Visions of doom loom before us. For haven’t all of us suffered from that most dastardly of experiences the wife’s wrath? Indeed no less than Shakespeare wrote "Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned" in this case, forgotten.

This brings us to the subject at hand. For the next few articles or so depending if I survive this article, we shall explore this socio-economic behaviour called WAV or…

Wife Acceptance Factor, because we shall try to explore the relationship between man, woman and audio equipment and how this can become a merry threesome to rival the best of Mills & Boon. Economic, because we shall try to explore the ways and means of explaining the cost of equipment to your wife.

So sensitive, nay dangerous is the subject that the author has requested to remain anonymous lest a wife per chance reads the following and decides to get even, possibly act violently, towards us.

Although behavioral in nature, we have determined that the following are as constant as any theorem in physics. Here are a few advice to the building audiophile to overcome the trials and tribulations of WAF.

PART I

As every husband knows, when it comes to expenses, the wife regards everything else as second priority to new curtains. Thus you will have to be pretty creative to explain why and how you came to this deranged decision of squandering thousands of pesos on high-end equipment – when a transistor radio will do. "ANYWAY THEY ALL SOUND THE SAME."

PART II

In case your wife, as wives are wont to do, finds out about the truth and starts harassing, nay, haranguing you about the cost – i.e. "You idiot! We could have built a new house in Forbes Park for the price you paid for that thing!!" or, "How could you! We could have sent the kids (all 5 of them) through college with the money you squandered for this equipment! (sob! Sob! Sob!)"

What do you do?

Some Tips:

1. LIE

Tell her this is an investment. The value of the audio equipment, like works of art will, appreciate in time.

2. APPLY SUBTERFUGE

Tell her the equipment will pay for itself in time.

WHY? (This takes some artful performance worthy of an Academy Award). BECAUSE…

B.1 You will stay home more often to listen to your system. Thus you safe money by not spending it in beer gardens and such with your friends as you have been recently doing.

(NOTE: This excuse is semi-suicidal: it’s a double-edged sword that can cut both ways. DO NOT USE THIS EXCUSE unless absolutely necessary.)

3. RIGHTEOUS ANGER & INDIGNATION

Don’t you deserve some happiness?? After all, you have been working your butt off, for a better life. Don’t you deserve a gift yourself? (THIS IS MOST EFFECTIVE if you can act at a level worthy of Oscar, Tony & Globe Awards.)

4. EQUALIZE

(This only applies to super rich guys.) Buy her something expensive to shut her up.